My hole life I've been crying inside..Never escaping the depths of loneliness...When I was little my mum used to be addicted to drugs...Always too busy to pay attention to me or my brother...I even remember having a nightmare one time and running into a smoke filled living room with the stench of majiuana burning my nostrils..As the tears started to roll down my cheeks I tried to get some reassurance from my mum that my nightmare was just that...But she was too busy getting high to tell me everything was going to be ok...Some days me and my brother would wake up and my mum would be passed out in her bed and we'd have to walk over to my gram's to get food...My mum ended up going to jail acouple times..Leaving me and my brother with an abusive grandmother...Have you ever been hit with a metal flyswatter? Be thankful you haven't...After my mum got out of jail and had lived on her own making her life fairly stable we finally got to move back in with her...We lived in this place for a while...Most of the time it was cold...But it was home...Then we moved to a really nice house in a town 5 miles away....I really liked it there...Apart from the fact when my mum got a new friend...He was cool for awhile...Until he got me alone...I remember one time I was changing in my room (note I was an 8 year old child) and he walked in and asked me if he could take pictures of me naked...I almost busted out crying..I was so scared....Most everything else I can't remember...After there we moved again...and again.....and again..and again...So finally when we got to Sweet Springs we stayed there...We lived in a run down dinky trailor for about 3 years...While living there my father committed suicide...Being a 14 year old and losing your father to something so greedy is almost like getting your insides slowly ripped out with a pair of tweasers...Needless to say I almost had a complete mental breakdown...I got into cutting myself and becoming very reclusive...I had a mask over the pain that enveloped my insides like a disease spinning out of control and I pretended that I was okay and everything was fine...Until I started to not care about anything...Turning into someone who wore dark cloths dark makeup and stabbed a kid with scissors...Suffering from insomnia, manic depression, and chronic stomach problems from anxiety...So here I am...16 years old...On zoloft and 13 scars or more on my arm...So where do I go from here?